Beginnings are scary… really it’s accepting the unknown that is frightening.
2019 for me will be the year of adventure; not just new places and people but new ideas and new perceptions about how my life is meant to be lived and my purpose for being here. New revelations about my capabilities and my ability to re-program myself into becoming all that I can be. I ironically celebrate the cosmic timing of a New Chapter of my life lining up with the New Year. The future will inevitably unfold before me that way it is supposed to, there’s no denying that. All that has changed is the fact that I have finally given myself permission to let go of the anxiety that comes along with trying to “solve” things before they happen and just enjoy the surprises and the heartaches/ learning opportunities along the way.
It’s not often you feel the weight of and importance of a moment in your life while you’re living it. Usually the review mirror provides the clarity of what a particular experience had to offer. I am doing the daily work to stay present with it, to surrender my ego’s need to be in control and to trust that by pursuing what makes me feel aligned and connected to everyone and everything around me will guide me to where I am supposed to be going.
It is not easy, especially not to explain. I am fortunate that in the 2+ years I have spent in Atlanta I have met so many wonderful people who feel the opposition of- the absence of my presence and the joy for my pursuit. Who can understand and embrace the ambiguity of my decision. For those who struggle a bit more to comprehend (and not maliciously, just out of their own curiosity and with my best interest I know) that not every detail is planned it is difficult and I do feel my heart tighten a little as I smile and say, “I don’t know”. I can see from their view that not knowing is not really an acceptable answer but if you really think about it, even in those moments when we are so sure about the future all we are doing is attaching ourselves to an expectation that we have created. No one can say anything for certain, having a loose grip on what I see happening allows me to be fluid, to be an explorer, to be free.
Beginnings are scary mainly because they signify an end to something that you have come to know, and maybe if you’ve been fortunate enough to even love but, you can’t let the feelings that come with moving on actually prevent you from doing so. In order to grow you have to embrace the change and the temporary discomfort it creates. It is in those moments of the unknown that you get to decide how this new version of yourself will choose to react and no matter what you will always have two options- to step forward in to growth or backward into safety.
I do not know where this new chapter of my life is taking me but I am certain that it will be an adventure and adventures don’t often begin with a step backward.